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Old 06-20-2010, 03:51 PM   #1
Rgent
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Default [ENDED] $10 Joke

I'll give $10 to whoever tells the best joke. Ends June 26 @ 11:59pm.

Thank you guys for participating. Decent jokes, next time I want better jokes!

The winner is Razrbackfan5! Please PM me your user id for your prize.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Razrbackfan5 View Post
Three guys are arguing about who was the most drunk the previous night.

The first guy says "I was so drunk I blew chunks!"

The second guy says "You've got nothing, I was so drunk I got a DUI!"

The third guy says "You two are chumps, I was so drunk I crashed my car... twice!"

The first guy says "No, you guys don't understand. Chunks is my dog!"
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IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE, DON'T SCROLL ANY FARTHER.

Last edited by Rgent; 06-27-2010 at 11:56 AM. Reason: Contest Closed
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Old 06-20-2010, 03:53 PM   #2
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A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
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Old 06-20-2010, 04:15 PM   #3
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Default

Three guys are arguing about who was the most drunk the previous night.

The first guy says "I was so drunk I blew chunks!"

The second guy says "You've got nothing, I was so drunk I got a DUI!"

The third guy says "You two are chumps, I was so drunk I crashed my car... twice!"

The first guy says "No, you guys don't understand. Chunks is my dog!"
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Old 06-20-2010, 04:17 PM   #4
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You are riding a horse. Suddenly, a giraffe pulls up to your left, an elephant pulls up behind you, and a gorilla pulls up to your right. What do you do?

Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
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Old 06-20-2010, 04:22 PM   #5
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Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
// Cause he was too chicken! ahahahaha
-slaps knee-

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rgent View Post
-Very bad jokes = permaban from future contests
Yep...
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Old 06-20-2010, 04:28 PM   #6
Kneel 2 NEIL (SCAMMER)
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****, no written jokes make me laugh out loud or anything, it's a lot different when someone is telling them, but oh well, I guess I'll join Lastwill on that ban.


Why was the Blonde's belly button red?


Her boyfriend was a blonde too...
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Old 06-20-2010, 04:47 PM   #7
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The weekend is like my dick, not long enough
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Old 06-20-2010, 04:56 PM   #8
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A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order.

The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich.
The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender."Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large Scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.

The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!""That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

"That's fantastic!" says the bartender. "You are a genius! ... Oh, one other thing sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man replies, "Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs."
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Old 06-20-2010, 07:30 PM   #9
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fuck your rules and by association yourself

Why are men superior to women?


2 heads are better than 1
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Quote:
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It takes like 8 seconds to make a multi

I should know, i've made like 5
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Old 06-20-2010, 09:49 PM   #10
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Characters:

1. Mr. Hairlip (A guy with a hairlip plus he is mental.)
2.The cashire

A guy with a hairlip goes into a gas station and askes the cash regester, "I need some sandwitch bags."

The cashier says, "Ok well I need to know what type of sandwitch you have so I can tell you what sandwitch bag you need."

Mr. Hairlip says, "Are you telling me I need to go all the way to my house to get my sandwitch and show it to you?"

The cashire, "Yep."

Mr. Hairlip, "Well okay."

Once Mr. Hairlip shows the cashier his sandwitch he said, "Okay lets see... well I recommend the 5 by 5 inch sandwitch bags."

Mr. Hairlip, "Okay."

The next day Mr. Hairlip goes into the gas station and asks the cashire

"I need some toothpast."

The cashire says,

"Well I need to see what type of toothbrush you have."

Mr. Hairlip says,

"Are you saying I need to go all the way back to my house to get my toothbrush?"

The cashire says,

"yep."

Mr. Hairlip, "Okay"

Once Mr. Hairlip got back the cashire said,

"Okay well I recommend (so and so) toothpast.

Mr. Hairlip, "Okay"

The next day Mr. Hairlip comes back with a small box with a small whole in it.

He asks the cashire, "Here I have a present for you."

The cashire says,

"Are you trying to trick me?"

Mr. Hairlip,

"No trick."
"Here just stick your finger inside."

The cashire,

"Are you sure?"

Mr. Hairlip,

"Yea im sure. Just stick you finger inside and smell it."

The cashire,

"Well okay..."

Mr. Hairlip,

"So what does it smell like?"

The Cashire,

"It smells like poop!"

Mr. hairlip,

"I know! I need some toilet paper!"

The End


Hoped you liked
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