Dmagus
06-06-2008, 02:15 PM
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner:
1.
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2.
After losing a finger in a meat-cutting machine, the chef at a hotel
in Switzerland submitted a claim to his insurance company. The
company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a
look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The
chef's claim was approved..
3.
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a
woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4.
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harareto Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers
to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't
discovered for 3 days..
5.
A teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds
received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6.
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register,
which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the
clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount
of cash he got from the drawer: $15. [If someone points a gun at you
and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7.
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over
his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor
store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
videotape.
8.
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended him. They put him in the car
and drove back to the store.. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9.
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered
onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The
man, frustrated, walked away.
10.
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into
the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd
ever had..
___________________
In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your
friends and family... unless of course one of the above individuals
by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be
glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.
Remember: they walk among us.
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner:
1.
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2.
After losing a finger in a meat-cutting machine, the chef at a hotel
in Switzerland submitted a claim to his insurance company. The
company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a
look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The
chef's claim was approved..
3.
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a
woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4.
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harareto Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers
to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't
discovered for 3 days..
5.
A teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds
received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6.
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register,
which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the
clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount
of cash he got from the drawer: $15. [If someone points a gun at you
and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7.
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over
his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor
store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
videotape.
8.
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended him. They put him in the car
and drove back to the store.. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9.
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered
onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The
man, frustrated, walked away.
10.
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into
the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd
ever had..
___________________
In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your
friends and family... unless of course one of the above individuals
by chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be
glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.
Remember: they walk among us.