Jokes!

[Marvel - FATALITY]

JOKES:


This thread will be about posting funny jokes.nothing dirty!

ill start it of:

o momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, No Professionals."

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.

Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow.

Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies. o momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, No Professionals."

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.

Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow.

Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

[BypassHacker]

JOKES:


This thread will be about posting funny jokes.nothing dirty!

ill start it of:

o momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, No Professionals."

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.

Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow.

Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies. o momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, No Professionals."

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.

Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow.

Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

You repeated it twice...

[GamerAce100]

Are you just copy and pasting these from websites. Boooooo!
Im a think of some that I REMEMBER & now just looking at random websites...:p

[GamerAce100]

Marvels' mom is so fat, people jog around her to get exercise.

Marvels' mom is so fat, when I drove around her, I ran out of gas.

Marvels' mom is so stup1d, she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

Marvels' mom is so fat, she tripped and made the grand canyon.

[Jiraiya]

There was this ordinary guy he was going home to his loving wife and his kid he crossed the street and heard 12! 12! 12! he looked round and said "what the heck" and saw a little hole. At first he was curious then he heard it again "12! 12! 12!" he kneeled and looked into the hole "13! 13! 13!" :lol2 :lol

[!xobile]

There was this ordinary guy he was going home to his loving wife and his kid he crossed the street and heard 12! 12! 12! he looked round and said "what the heck" and saw a little hole. At first he was curious then he heard it again "12! 12! 12!" he kneeled and looked into the hole "13! 13! 13!" :lol2 :lol

I dont get it

[GamerAce100]

I dont get it

There was another version involving blondes and brunettes. i think it went like this:

There was a brunette walking home from work. Suddenly, she saw a blonde shouting out 12! 12! 12! on the accross the street. So, she walked to her to see what was going on. Suddenyl, she got hit by a car. The blonde then said 13! 13! 13!
That's my version.:lol2

[Mike]

i dont get it

[Hope]

There was another version involving blondes and brunettes. i think it went like this:

There was a brunette walking home from work. Suddenly, she saw a blonde shouting out 12! 12! 12! on the accross the street. So, she walked to her to see what was going on. Suddenyl, she got hit by a car. The blonde then said 13! 13! 13!
That's my version.:lol2

Easily the worst joke ever told.

[Calecarz]

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office... but she was dating someone else. One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you..."

The girl looked at him, and then said, "NO!"

Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boy friend...so she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast..., he won't even be able to get his pants down."

She agreed and accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his
girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, "what happened.....?" Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The F**ker had all pennies!'"

[Lastwill]

I get it...
*Lastwill Stamp of approval*

[Mike]

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office... but she was dating someone else. One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you..."

The girl looked at him, and then said, "NO!"

Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boy friend...so she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast..., he won't even be able to get his pants down."

She agreed and accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his
girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, "what happened.....?" Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The F**ker had all pennies!'"
hahahahahhahahahhahahahh

[GamerAce100]

I had to read like 5 times until I got the joke.

[Louis]

marvels mum so fat, when she got on the scales, it said 1 at a time plz

[Calecarz]

marvels mum so fat, when she got on the scales, it said 1 at a time plz
hahahah :lol
+rep for making me :lol

[Lastwill]

marvels mum so fat, when she got on the scales, it said 1 at a time plz

Heard it before...

+Rep for Calecarz for making me laugh. :laugh3:

[GamerAce100]

Marvel's mom is so fat, when she hopped onto the scale, it said "To be continued..."

Marvel's mom is so short, her feet appeared in her driver's license picture.

Marvel's mom is so fat, when she went to Mexico and farted, she cause Hurricane Katrina.

Marvel's mom is so stupid, she can't even spell IQ.

Marvel's mom is so poor, when I asked what she was doing in the garbage can, she told me, "I'm Christmas shopping!".

Marvel's mom is so stupid, she stared at the orange juice carton for 15 minutes because it said "Concentrate".

[Louis]

marvels mum so fat, she spells fridge I C U R M T

[ddh1122]

lol, i got 2 jokes.

Where does a person with one leg work?

at IHOP

and

What do you call a short mexican?

a paragraph, because hes not a full grown ese yet. :smile

[GamerAce100]

lol, i got 2 jokes.

Where does a person with one leg work?

at IHOP lmao

and

What do you call a short mexican?

a paragraph, because hes not a full grown ese yet. :smile2

Haha! That second one was hilarious!:lol
+Rep yo!

[Hope]

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office... but she was dating someone else. One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you..."

The girl looked at him, and then said, "NO!"

Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boy friend...so she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast..., he won't even be able to get his pants down."

She agreed and accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his
girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, "what happened.....?" Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The F**ker had all pennies!'"

ROFL! THATS GOLD! Got any more?

[Calecarz]

ROFL! THATS GOLD! Got any more?
*thinks and paces back and forth*

[Calecarz]

3 guys are captured by some indians.
They are told to go in the forest and collect 3 different types of fruits.
They each must collect 5 of each fruit.
The first guy gets apples.
The indian tells him to stick them up his a$$.
he fits the 1st but can't get the second.
He is then burned.
The second one gets grapes.
he easily gets 4 in but then starts laughing.
The indians take insult to this and kill him to.
Later in heaven the 1st guy asks the second guy "Why did you laugh, You were SO close?"
He answers the idi0t behind me had pineapples.

[Hope]

3 guys are captured by some indians.
They are told to go in the forest and collect 3 different types of fruits.
They each must collect 5 of each fruit.
The first guy gets apples.
The indian tells him to stick them up his a$$.
He fits the 1st but can't get the second.
He is then burned.
The second one gets grapes.
He easily gets 4 in but then starts laughing.
The indians take insult to this and kill him to.
Later in heaven the 1st guy asks the second guy "why did you laugh, you were so close?"
he answers the idi0t behind me had pineapples.

more! More! More!

[Calecarz]

ok, so there was this three story building.
on the bottom floor there was a guy that liked to eat pickels.
on the middle floor there wasa guy that liked to paint stuff green.
and on the top floor there was a guy that liked to pee out of the window.
so one day the guy on the top floor was peeing out of the window and it shut on his "thing".
the guy on the middle floor caught it and painted it green and threw it back out of the window.
and the guy on the bottom floor caought it and thought it was a pickle and ate it!

[GamerAce100]

ROFL! THATS GOLD! Got any more?

Omg, mick. You -Reped me for saying a bad joke?!

http://i396.photobucket.com/albums/pp45/GamerAce100/untitled-8.jpg

[Calecarz]

Omg, mick. You -Reped me for saying a bad joke?!

http://i396.photobucket.com/albums/pp45/GamerAce100/untitled-8.jpg
I canceled it out w/ good rep
one more
There are three people in a boat, a Japaneese man, a Mexican, and an American, and the boat is sinking so they all have to throw something off. The Japaneese man throws off a sack of rice, he says, "Don't worry i have a lot of rice in my country" The Mexican throws a bunch of taco shells overboard, and he says, "Don't worry we have plenty of taco shells in my country" The American throws the mexican off the boat and says, "Don't worry we have plenty of Mexicans in my country"

[Dark Tails]

There was another version involving blondes and brunettes. i think it went like this:

There was a brunette walking home from work. Suddenly, she saw a blonde shouting out 12! 12! 12! on the accross the street. So, she walked to her to see what was going on. Suddenyl, she got hit by a car. The blonde then said 13! 13! 13!
That's my version.:lol2

its this

there was a brunette hopping rope on a train track saying "11,11,11,11,11,11,11" then a blonde comes there and starts doing it too, and the brunette gets off. a train comes and hits the blonde, and the brunette gets back on the tracks saying "12,12,12,12,12..."

thats the one i heard it, but taht was like 1 year ago


now for me to tell good jokes...

[Dark Tails]

Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike?


1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.

2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.

3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.

4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.

5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.

6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.

7. It's best to have a soft place to land.

8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.

9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.

10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.

11. Once you learn, you never forget how.

12. If you fall off get right back on.

13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.

14. Remember to signal before you change direction.

15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.

16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat.

17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.

18. That's why some of them are called Mountin' Bikes.



Q: What do you get when you cross a cat with a dog?
A: A pu$$y that cums when you whistle..


Q:What does Michael Jackson and video games have in common?

A:They are both turned on by little boys.


Q: did you hear Michael Jackson was at the mall

A: yea why?

Q: little boys pants were half off

[GamerAce100]

Nice, tails. +Rep

[Dark Tails]

JOKES:


This thread will be about posting funny jokes.nothing dirty!


ahh dam i just noticed that

[Dark Tails]

Q.how many Michael Jacksons[ (http://www.dirtyjokesinc.com/joke-michael_jackson_jokes-14841.htm#) does it take 2 screw in a light bulb?
A.NONE.he only screws little boys

how did helen keller parents punish her?
they left the plunger in the toilet.

How many babies did she have?
None the plunger went all the way up.

Q:how do you know if a frenchman has been in your backyard?

A: well, your trashcans are knocked over, and your dog is pregnant...

Q:Where is the best place to hide money from a frenchman?
A:Under his soap, of course!

[Dark Tails]

bump for funnyness (i no its triple post, but noones doing anything funny no more)

[Evan]

Yo momma so fat it takes me two trains and a bus to get to her good side.
yo momma so fat when she turns around we threw her a welcome back party.
yo momma so fat when she got her id picture it says "picture continued on back"
yo momma so stupid she brouught a spoon to the superbowl.
yo momma so stupid she has to dig for her iq.

[Evan]

Yo momma so fat she saw a yellow bus full of white kids and said, "STOP THAT TWINKIE!!
Yo momma so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he told her to move her fat ole ass over
Yo momma so fat she's got more chins than a Hong Kong phone book
Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
Yo momma so fat I've known her all my life ... and I still haven't seen ALL of her
Yo momma she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps

[GamerAce100]

Tails' mom is so:
-fat, that when she wore a yellow jacket outside, someone yelled out "Taxi!".

-fat, when she wore one of those jackets with an X on the back, a helicopter tried to land on her.

-fat, I had to get a twinkie and elbow grease to get her through the door.

[Dark Tails]

bumpz for funniness

[musicman693]

this is a blonde joke

there is only one blonde joke the rest of em are true! :lol

[warlands719]

Are you just copy and pasting these from websites. Boooooo!
Im a think of some that I REMEMBER & now just looking at random websites...:p


lol boooooo! :laugh3:

[Marvel - FATALITY]

lol at calecarz joke!

[Marvel - FATALITY]

lol i deserve plus rep ;]

[Marvel - FATALITY]

Blonde Jokes:
:laugh3::lol2
Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.

Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.

Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.

[Max Galleio]

lol wats a blond with a dollar on her head?
all you can eat for under a buck